"The scientist has the habit of science, the artist, the habit of art. Art is the habit of the artist; and habits have to be rooted deep in the whole personality. The have to be cultivated like any other habit, over a long period of time by experience..."

Flannery O'Conner

unbeknownst to me - i do this thing when i cross people's paths. i smile.
that teeny tiny facial tick provokes more of them. seems so easy.

gotta love it

limitations

my best intentions can fill a football field.
i try to be the best for others - then look inside and crumble.
who can i be - and how can i be happy when i constantly strive to please?

"Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold -- but so does a hard-boiled egg."
Unknown

coincidence? i think not.

my breakfast this morning consists of the following:

egg protein shake
whole wheat slice of toast with butter
rasberry leaf tea

There was only 1 brand of bread that didn't list high fructose corn syrup as an ingredient. Something I always assumed was safe - wields the deadly sugar weapon too. what is a girl to do.

i spent years mindful of my perceived worth. i did nothing to make myself attractive or available. i wore it like a cloak. it made me invisible and able to blend into the background. if they couldn't see me they couldn't judge me and most importantly they couldn't reject me. i defied them to love me despite of it.

while perusing myspace pics, the shit eating grin of age and image lept from my screen. if only their parents spent some time telling them they were special i wouldn't be subjected to doomed self serving grasps of independence via intercourse and photo shoots.


happy new year!


For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning.
~T.S. Eliot, "Little Gidding"